Our current Sunday series is called, “fighting for the family.” And this past week’s message, based on these verses in Ephesians, hit home to so many people and opened a lot of wounds. We all want wholeness, right? We all want to be free. Yet I believe that many of our hearts are 75% whole, but there’s that 25% that’s still broken. We’ve dealt with a lot of hurt from our past, but we may have buried some of things as well, especially things stemming from our parents. We live our Christian life loving others, forgiving people, and enjoying the rich blessings God offers us as His children. But we have failed to follow this command, “Honor your father and mother.” Therefore, we still struggle in so many areas.
You may think… they don’t deserve it. And they probably don’t. But honoring is different than respecting. Our pastor said that respect is earned, but honor is given. We need to honor our parents simply because of their position… they are our parents. Last night in group, we heard all sorts of things… narcissism, alcoholism, abandonment. These are things some of our friends grew up with. Yet, they have already learned or are continuing to learn how to honor their parents. It’s freeing for sure. Sometimes it’s a lifelong process. But in Christ, it is possible.
This command to “honor your father and mother” comes with a promise. When we do this, things will go well for us and it offers us a long life on the earth. You may be thinking… “but my parents are deceased, so it’s not possible to honor them.” Yes, it is. Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value.” This verse does not mention age. It’s talking about ALL children, no matter how old you are. Honoring our parents means that we choose to not talk bad of them but choose to tell people of the good things (trust me, I’m sure you can find at least one thing that’s good). Honoring our parents is a choice… sometimes a hard choice.
For many people, this is a hard mandate and because there’s so much hurt and pain, it’s humanly impossible. That’s what’s so awesome about the cross. The cross gives us that power. It must start there. We may need to let go of things and lay them at the cross. And once we’ve done that, we might need to sit down and write a letter, even if they’re not here anymore, or to make a phone call, or to reconnect somehow. My mom turned 90 this past summer and I wrote her a letter. In that letter, I told her what I was most grateful for. I believe that when we begin to follow this mandate, our hearts will become whole, brokenness will be fixed, scars will be healed, and we will fare so much better. This is a weighty subject, and we only scratched the surface, but I hope this began a process for many of us. Let these words pierce your heart. Let’s begin the honoring today.